Best sex ever.

Ok so V over at ViolentAcres.com (great blog by the way) has a couple amazing stories up there. I suggest you take a look. My personal favorite is How feminism ruined my sex life. It is a basic discussion of what she thinks women really want in sex. It is pretty entertaining.

So on that note I am going to drop some of the stories some of my buddies from college, and the army have told me was their best band etc.

1) Army buddy.
He was dating a girl for about 6 weeks and then got married. Generally I would classify this as fucking stupid, but for those of you who have watched arrested development, "You gotta lock that shit down.". Well, one of his buddy's wives was talking with his wife and they were chatting about "What is true love" or some shit like that. Anyways, the buddy's wife said that she heard the guys call it true love when they come back from the field, the wife opens the door in a teddy, gets them a beer, gives them a BJ and then mushroom stamps themselves.

Well he was coming back from 30 days in the field. That means no showers no nothing. This guys must have smelled like shit, been covered in mud a gunk and generally been the master of funk. He walks to his door, and there she is... In a white see-through teddy. A bottle of beer in her hands a an "I'm going to fuck you senseless" look in her eyes. She does the deed, MUSHROOM stamps herself, and then says "Relax I have dinner ready". Gets him the food and supposedly they were drilling the whole next day.

2) College Buddy
My buddy was a very international student. He came from Hong Kong and had buddies all over the world. He was a real good guy but definitely would do anything to get into a girl's hoo-ha. So he went on a trip to Canada, WESTERN Canada, to visit a highschool friend and had no intention of hooking up with her. Well, he was told that her friend would be picking him up from the airport and he got her number and they chatted.

When he landed, he grabbed his bags and went to the spot they were supposed to meet. Sure enough she was a hot ass bitch. And she was wearing the perfect outfit. A trenchcoat. She through him the keys and he drove back to her place where they were waiting for his friend to get home. They were waiting with his cock in her mouth, her il nana, and probably the back door but he never confirmed.

Needless to say he dated her for a while. I thought he should have just had it be a one night thing... but she did hook him up with a little 3 company action.

3) Army
This story is just funny. This guy and girl in our unit were banging. It was an issue because one was a SGT and the other a Private. She was a whore. I mean a total whore. She would come over to his house after duty and just flat out do anything to get him upstairs to give her a little wang chung. So one time my other buddy and I are fucking around at his place and the SGT and Private have gone upstairs. We are minding our own business when it starts getting loud... I mean really loud... I mean he is tagging that ass loud.

Well, if you have never seen how military act with their comrades in arms, we constantly fuck with each other. And there really are no limits on how far we go. So in that spirit my buddy and I just head to his room to setup a little prank.

We grab a video camera, create a small intro tape, I am wearing a Kevlar helmet and getting ready for the two of us to go busting into the sex room and fuck with the two of them. We start to sneak over to the door when it happens. The loudest fucking ass slap I have ever heard. I mean it sounded like he pounded that thing with a peice of plastic, and all she says is "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh yes!". I fucking fall right down the stairs with my buddy down on the ground rolling. I am pretty sure I broke my leg (I didn't).

We go back up, and we get ready to do this for real when again we hear something. It is the SGT saying "You will take this in your ass bitch!". My buddy and I look at each other with gaping jaws. Just as we turn back you hear a shriek followed by some moans. Down the stairs I go again.

About 10 minutes later, out comes the SGT to see me at the bottom of the stairs still laughing my ass off, my buddy is right next to me with tears streaming down his face, and we look up and out hobbles the girl with a big shit eating grin of contentment on her face.

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What does it mean?

Well no guy wants to marry a whore. That is true. We all want a lady on the streets and a freak in the bed. But more importantly, sometimes we just want to fuck the living bejesus out of the girl. No I love yous. No courting. No chasin around. Just total dominating fucking.

-J